I’m sure many of us are guilty of trying to please people at some point in our lives. We try to please our parents, our children, our siblings, our managers, our spouses, our friends, our spouses, etc. The point is that there has been someone in our lives whom we always feel we have to say yes to.
The people in our lives who we are trying to please aren’t all bad. Some of them are looking out for our best interest, but others may simply be trying to manipulate us or are trying to influence us and mold us into something that they want us to be.
Why do we become people-pleasers?
Some of the reasons that we try to please people maybe because we want to get along with others and we want people to like us. Other reasons maybe because we want to see other people happy and we want them to see that we are easy to work with. It may also be because we are afraid of what other people may think of us if we don’t do what they want.
What happens if we continue to be people pleasers?
If you go through life trying to please everyone, people will continue to use you and treat you like a doormat. You will not be able to live your life on your terms and this may keep you from reaching your goals and aspirations. You can’t expect to be a people pleaser and still be able to reach your potential. Trying to make everyone happy is only going to make you miserable.
How do we stop being a people pleaser?
Stop worrying about what other people think of you.
This has always been my problem. This may be the number one reason why it’s so difficult for us to stop being a people pleaser. But we can stop this bad habit. To overcome this battle between people pleasing and doing our own thing, we have to decide on what is important and what makes us happy.
If we continue to do things to make others happy or to please other people, we will only make ourselves miserable and we’ll end up pleasing no one. So let’s stay focused on doing the things we want to do that brings us joy. We may disappoint others because we choose to do our own thing, but we don’t have to feel guilty about it if it makes us happy.
Set personal boundaries.
We need to set boundaries as to how far we are willing to go to make someone happy and when we should stop. People-pleasing may cause us to do things that we may not feel like doing or that might get us into trouble.
For example, you may have a friend that likes to take advantage of your kindness and generosity. They may always ask to borrow money from you and never pay you back, they may come over to your house and eat up all your food without asking your permission, or they may borrow your clothes and return them unwashed and with stains on them.
If this person makes you feel uncomfortable or anxious, remind yourself that your happiness and wellbeing are important. You don’t have to allow that person to take advantage of you just to make them happy. Remember that your feelings are important. If that person does not respect your feelings, then you may need to distance yourself from that person or end your friendship.
Learn to say no.
For example, if a friend asked you to go to the cinema, you may not feel like going, but you may say yes just to make them happy. Your friend may then expect you to hang out with them all the time and do all the things that they want you to do. This is when you need to learn to say no.
You may not always want to go out with your friend. Sometimes you may want to stay home, have some time to yourself or spend time with other people. The next time your friend asks you for a favour, or to do something with them, you can say no.
Don’t be harsh in the way you respond to them. When you say no, give a reasonable explanation as to why you are unable to do what they ask. For example, you could say, “I wish I could go with you, but I have to prepare for my job interview” or “I really can’t tonight because my boyfriend is coming to see me.”
Hopefully, your friend will understand and respect your answer. If not, and they become angry or upset, then maybe it’s time to step away from that person.
Don’t let the fear of what people think keep you from reaching your goals.
If you have a certain goal in mind that you want to achieve, there may be people in your life who may not feel that it is the right thing for you to do. They may try to discourage you and make you feel like you’re not good enough or you’re not smart enough to achieve your goals.
They may try to convince you that you’re better off just getting a job or they may try to tell you that going back to school is too expensive and that you may not be able to handle it.
They may try to convince you that you’re too old to find someone new and that you’re better off staying by yourself. You can’t allow these negative people to hold you back from reaching your goals.
Stop caring about what other people think and work towards achieving your dreams and goals. In the long run, you will be happy that you did not listen to those negative people and you will be a lot happier in choosing to do your own thing.
Remember that this is your life and you have a choice as to how you are going to live it. So don’t waste your time trying to be a people pleaser because it will not bring you happiness and you will not be able to reach your true potential.
God has great plans for your life, but if you continue to listen to other people and try to please them, then you will lose out on what God has planned for you.
